Formula Feeding Mom vs. Breastfeeding Mom

One Mom: Two Journeys

The Formula Feeding Mom

Being the first mom in my friend group to have a baby, I had absolutely no one to rely on for infant-feeding advice, or pregnancy, or anything. Other pregnant moms I met had very strong feelings about their feeding choices, but I didn’t. No one in my family had breastfed successfully, and I figured I would take a 2-hour breastfeeding class at the hospital, get some formula samples, and make that decision after I had the baby. That was the absolute worst decision to make. Instead of beginning my pregnancy and postpartum journey from a place of confidence and advocacy, every decision or circumstance I faced was from a place of panic and uncertainty.

After a traumatic birth filled with a magnesium drip and a large-headed baby, I sat in the post-partum wing trying to breastfeed. It hurt. I continued to try because pain at first MUST be normal. It’s not.

I asked the speak with the lactation consultant on staff. She came in, gave me a hard, plastic nipple shield, said this will help, and she left. It did not help. 

The following day, another lactation consultant came in wheeling a breast pump. She also handed me giant flanges – ones a whole breast could be sucked through (this was before sizing consultations and fittings were a thing). She handed me a pink bucket, some syringes, and told me to pump and syringe feed my baby. 

I went home more confused than when I started (and if you remember, I didn’t start off super prepared). One breastfeeding class at the hospital does not an expert make.  

I purchased a very expensive pump, and decided that I would try pumping because my raw, bloody nipples caused me to scream in pain every time my baby latched. I was miserable. My milk came in, and the two very hard watermelons that protruded from my chest hurt beyond measure. When I called the OBGYN, they had me come in, said I had mastitis, and told me to pump very frequently. I didn’t know how to advocate for myself, so I didn’t ask what that meant. I pumped every hour for 20 minutes, took my antibiotics, and was so sleep deprived that dizziness was a permanent state of being (Also, DO NOT pump every hour for 20 minutes).

I attended a breastfeeding meeting for moms at the hospital where I so desperately wanted some help, but the LC who ran the group told me it would be $200, the baby probably had a tongue-tie (which he did) and she could see me in two weeks. I cried the whole drive home. I couldn’t wait two weeks nor afford that fee.  

It wasn’t until my family came to visit and my mom told me to quit that I found any relief. I didn’t know that quitting was an option, and I didn’t know how to quit. But it seemed like the best idea at the time. Not knowing how to quit, I googled, found some mommy pages, and probably did it the entirely wrong way… but eventually the milk went away. 

At 3 weeks old, my baby became the exclusively-fed recipient of what some sancti-mommy groups called “devil dust.” Really, that was a term for baby formula (circa 2011). I felt like a failure, and more than that, I became somewhat distrustful of the health care and lactation providers that failed me. 

I had to learn what bottles worked for my baby, what formula his refluxed-tummy would tolerate, how much to buy, how often to feed, what were his cues, how to clean all the plastic, glass, and silicone parts that descended on my kitchen like moths to a flame, and how on earth to go places with pre-filled bottles of water and formula containers. This was all quite expensive. Bottles, like many other items that manufacturers know we require, are not the most affordable. Formula is hellish-ly expensive if you don’t qualify for assistance – or in our case, his specialty Alimentum formula wasn’t covered by insurance. I felt like all I ever did was clean bottles – and on the occasion a bottle was left in the hot summer car for a day – the stench that permeated the plastic was nauseating and the bottle unsalvageable even after sanitation. 

There were, after all, benefits to formula feeding. First and foremost – my baby was fed, and I wasn’t miserable.  Friends and family who stopped in loved feeding him a bottle. My spouse could take a night feeding or two when I physically couldn’t handle yet another middle of the night waking. All our babysitter had to do was mix the pre-set amount of formula and our date nights were hassle free. When traveling, I could feed the baby a bottle in the backseat instead of having to pull over and nurse him.  When he turned one, we ditched the bottles and formula for sippy cups and cow’s milk. No weaning, no whining. 

The Breastfeeding Mom

Fast forward to 2013, and I am pregnant with number 2. Having felt like my first experience with all things pregnancy and post-partum was a disaster, I began to focus on identifying what I truly wanted to have happen when it came to feeding my baby. Having been down the formula road, I knew it was a completely viable option, but it wasn’t the option I wanted. Having used Google and mommy groups, I knew that wasn’t the helpful outcome I desired. Instead, I worked with a highly regarded breastfeeding consultant all throughout my pregnancy. I asked questions about everything. I read the resources they gave me, watched the videos, and mentally prepared myself for breastfeeding. I studied up on tongue-ties, and learned about their genetic component which likely would impact my current pregnancy. If I felt like I needed to Google about pregnancy or breastfeeding, I asked two close friends to be my Google buddies. They filtered out the extreme and stupid, and would say, “You should call the doctor,” or “This is normal, try x,y,z.” This kept me from spiraling down the rabbit holes of anxiety and imminent doom. I still actually do this today. 

Luckily for me, my second birth was quite pleasant and not traumatic. I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I was properly prepared. It did hurt to breastfeed. My first response, walk through the steps to see if there was a good latch – there was. However, based on the biting motion, I knew tongue-tie was likely. I immediately scheduled a tongue-tie assessment and revision with the lactation consultant and provider I had already identified. It went smoothly, baby returned to the breast, I ensured a good latch, and I was pain free.

When my milk came in, I knew that the hard, watermelon breasts that seemed clogged like rush hour in LA could be remedied with a warm rice sock. I worked through different nursing positions, and found that laying on my side on the floor, with a warm rice sock liquified my milk, relieved the pressure, and controlled the heavy let-down reflex that would choke my baby if I held her in the traditional football nursing hold. I laid on my side and nursed for 4 months until everything regulated and I could nurse sitting in a chair. 

The first time we went out on a kid-free date, I wasn’t actually sure what to do. I hadn’t touched the breast pump (fka torture device) since 2011, and honestly, I hated the idea of it. I trusted my gut, bought some read to feed formula, and when we did get a date night, I was comfortable with offering the liquid, ready to feed formula to my baby. I had zero desire to even put that pump to my breast, so I didn’t.

The downsides to breastfeeding – you are the primary source of food, and friends and family may feel left out that they don’t get the experience of feeding them a bottle. My husband said he did miss the bonding during feeding times with our second. On occasion, I would get a clogged duct, and they do hurt, but if addressed properly and quickly, can avoid mastitis. You do have to be mindful about your consumption of alcohol and certain medications your doctor may prescribe – but there is typically a safe medication option if they do their research. There was an intense internal conflict about when to stop breastfeeding. I had never thought of how long… but I do know that weaning was a great source of stress for me when we did decide to be done (much more so for me than my child). 

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Prepare, Educate, and Advocate

With both breastfeeding and formula feeding, there are definitely pros and cons. But the thing I realized most at the end of it all, making your decision coming from a place of preparation and advocacy will pay dividends to the outcome you desire. If you want to formula feed, be confident in your choice. Prepare on all things formula – even lactation consultants can help with formula feeding parents to establish proper infant feeding. And, they can help prepare you to dry up your milk post-partum in a way that doesn’t require you to Google and ask Facebook mommies. If you want to breastfeed, be confident in your choice and work with a lactation consultant prenatally to educate yourself so that when problems do happen, you know what steps to take to prevent things from worsening. Coming from a place of preparation will keep you in control.